There are many great trilogies.

This is not one of them…

(Because it’s not great, or a trilogy)

This story has too many sub-headings.

It is probably because Jaryd is a fag.

 

 

 

Authors for word:  Due to attempting to be organized and plan things in advance I planned to skip art and do my biology assignment, (the colossal bitch) but since I was trying to be organized, this plan blew up in my face. The school service crashed. Due to the irony, I took this as a sign, and now I sit in art writing the introduction, as when I arrive to my abode I will right THE LONG AWAIT TRIQUEL…

 

 

 

 

Last time we checked with our hero’s they were speeding away in the bat mobile to a previously unknown destination: not to a chess tournament of course, because Jaryd is afraid of chess as it rapes him in the face.  He’s also scared of Indian men with flippy moustaches that come out and attack you at chess tournaments. But it’s okay because he Pwns retards and the mentally disabled at chess tournaments. (His email is stealing-peoples-mail@hotmail.com.  Send him hatemail NOW.)

 

However, the fabulous four, or the soap cart few encountered some problems on the way to their destination, which is yet to be revealed.

These problems were none of the mental category, surprisingly.

They ran out of fuel.

 

How does one in a bat mobile get fuel you ask?

Forget petrol stations, hero’s in the bat mobile get petrol from the governments secret reserve. It’s right along the secret compartment of banana’s in the capitalist’s lounge. See, it’s extremely complicated to get into the lounge… but anyway. It was ironic enough that since none of the passengers actually owned the bat mobile, no one knew about the government’s lounge, or indeed their secret bananas.

 

On the other hand readers, forget you read any of that. This is a poor excuse of a distraction. Hey look! A bear!

 

 

Not so long ago, on a planet not so far away…

The harsh sun beat down on four figures trudging their way through the sand in the middle of day.  The sand seemed to sizzle beneath their feet as the sweat dripping from each one of their pores hit the ground. Slowly they continued up and down the dunes.

 

“How long have we been walking for?” questioned Flump.

“About five minutes” replied Dee.

“Where the hell are we?” asked Jaryd.

“Fecked it I kno….” Started to reply Laura when she was interrupted by what appeared to be an orange stick dressed in a bring pink tutu, contorting a grimace of what seemed to be sheer constipation.

“YOU’RE ON THE SIMPLE LIFE!” shrieked the figure giggling.

The four of them stopped in their tracks. They had run into, the one, the only (and thank god for that) PARIS HILTON.

“HOLY SHIT. HOW MANY SEASONS ARE THEIR?” asked Laura, sinking to her knees, being blinded by a glimpse of that peroxided hair.

“It’s the 64B” replied Paris, as a five year old would.

“Errr… B isn’t a number” replied Michael Adams.

“QUITE YOU. OFF WITH HIS HEAD” shrieked Paris again, her day glo skin wrinkling horridly.

 

They awaited something. Anyhing.

 

“Errr….” Flump started again.

“SHUT UP. THEY ABANDONED ME. ALL OF THEM. OH MY GOD. MY KNIGHTS. AND MY CARDS. LIKE IN ALICE IN WONDERLAND. I’M NOT ALICE. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD!” she screamed, sinking into the dust. At that point Laura picked herself up, realising what level she had sunk to, and brushed her potato sack off. They started conversing between the four of them.

“I’m guessing it’s E” said Dee throwing a side glance at Paris.

“No, it’s crystal meth. Look at her” said Flump.

“Nah. Heroin. I’m the expert here” said Laura throwing her nose up in the air (and catching it of course). No one question how she did this. Instead they watched Jaryd intently as he crouched down, and handed Paris a flask of bleach.

“JARYD, NOW ISN’T THE TIME TO BE DEALING, FAG” yelled Laura. He started talking in low clicks, and murmurs, what he called ‘his’ language (as he’s so high and mighty and all)  A few minutes later, he stood up again, and announced ‘We’re in Iraq’

No one asked how Paris spoke Jaryd. It’s probably because Paris has slept with anyone. Even Jaryd.

“IRAQ. OH MY GOD. If the American’s haven’t taken all the oil, this is FANTASTIC!” Laura said jumping up and down.

“All we have to do. It dig down.”

“But with what?”

They all slowly turned to face Paris, and her stick like body, with a shovel like head and grinned sadistically.

 

**********************************88888

(We didn’t have enough money left over to fill in that gap, so instead we used 8’s. It could have been worse. I could have used binary. Lyke 0001 01010 00110.)

 

A few hours later, the four arrived to their ACTUAL destination of Braunau, Austria, the actual real birth place of Hitler. Hawthorne Heights was streaming loudly from the house on top of the hill.

“OH MY GOD. THE DEPRESSION” yelled the four of them, covering their ears, rolling on the ground as soon as they stepped out of the bat mobile.

“THE EMONESS” said Laura, taking a stab at Ryan for calling her a narc.

“This is definitely the home of the NAZI KID” –dun dun duuuuuuun-

Suddenly, fifty ninjas jumped out of the artificial obviously fake bushes. They all had ear plugs in, obviously not being affective by the incredibly emotive music playing the the background. The spear tackled the two boys and impregnated the girls with lightening bolts. But it didn’t work because they were both wearing wooden underwear and electricity doesn’t penetrate wood.

 

(At this point I must stab myself in the head. Wooden underwear? WHAT THE FUCK. Anyway)

 

Then, out of the blue (the sky of course, as the sky is blue) TWO PARACHUTED MASKED WARRIORS LANDED AND DEFEATED THE NINJAS.

They took of their masks.

AND THEY WERE.

THE AWESOME.

TALEAH AND KATEH!

 

“Oh my god! YOU SAVED US! YAY!” rushed Laura and Jaryd to greet them and knock them unconscious with multiple hugs. Flump and Dee didn’t know who they were so they just somehow became immune to Hawthorne Heights and it’s emoness. EMO EMO EMO. HAWTHORNE HEIGHTS IS EMO. TAKE THAT RYAN. I’LL SHOW YOU CALLING ME A NARC!

 

“It’s judgement day” spoke Flump with all seriousness.

And then… they walked up the the house.

AND KICKED THE DOOR DOWN.

And then… Laura had to go do some school work.

But she’ll continue one day.