Ah, what a distraction writing causes.  Instead of doing what I’m supposed to be doing, which is finish the assessment on my school’s waste management system (who cares), or writing my stimulus sheet (why bother), or taking care of my sick brother (I do NOT like the smell of regurgitated Chinese food, thank you very much) I shall write another blog.

 

I’ve decided to be cheap today and steal MSN’s heading.

 

31 Ways to Use Your Blog (Okay, I lied, only five)

 

1.       Sell yourself and friend’s as mail order wives over the internet. It’s perfectly safe, we promise!

2.       Start sentences in English, and then continue them in French. MSN likes to do this, look at what THEY had for their second suggestion <Post a quote du jour.> By doing this you’re guaranteed to be as cool as MSN.

3.       Start an online army that will attempt to overthrow a government. Yes, not any government, just a government. With the new anti-terror laws your local government’s stable system is bound to  be thrown into full chaos, and they’ll start napalming people’s houses.

4.       Do what they did on Chaser’s War on Everything and make an all male cheerleading squad in attempt to make people quit smoking.

5.       Start a kiddie porn ring and see how many sickos you can get arrested.

 

Maybe I’ll just continue my story?

 

 

 Last time we joined our heroes (Okay, heroes of WHAT? They killed an ancient prophet, broke into a house and burnt dead otters. However, with all of that put aside…) Flumps phone had just rung,, and the news that Hitler had been bought back to life had arrived…

 

Now for MORE whack  adventures of the soap cart few…

 

The six of them were sitting at the table, enjoying their assortments of tasty, fine cheeses, when Flumps phone rang.  Laura immediately started laughing and pointing as he drew his phone out of his pocket “YUPPIE PHONE, HAHAHA” As she did with Jesus’s phone.  They all hushed her and watched as Flump’s brows knotted, he nodded, murmured a few ‘Yu-huh’s’ into his phone, and finally before closing it said ‘We’ll be right there’

Silence hung in the air for a few seconds, before someone finally spoke up.

“Well, what’s wrong? Did the Purple Shirted eye stabber escape from prison again?” asked Dee raising her eyebrows.

“No, worse. Someone’s resurrected Hitler.” A few people gasped. These few people happened to be the hobo’s eating Sushi leftovers out of Adrian’s garbage can. After Jaryd shooed them away by napalming the bins, they continued their conversation. After a few more seconds, Dee and Laura looked at each other and came to a realization (which was probably inspired by Lain trying to sneak out the cat flap)

“LAIN! How could you resurrect Hitler!” they exclaimed.

“I’m sorry, I’m just so Nazi, and so scientifically able that I couldn’t resist. Now I’m going to go join forces with him. See ya!” she said saluting, and flying away on rocket boots.

“Well that was unexpected” said Dee sarcastically. Only Laura could tell that she was being sarcastic though because sometimes Dee is so sarcastic that you need to have a SARCASM DETECTOR 100000v 6.2 to find out if she’s actually being serious. Flump and Jaryd weren’t exclusive enough to own one.

 

“So what do we do now?” asked Laura looking at everyone around the table.

“Beats me.” Said Adrian, taking his cheese under his coat and sulking off to his den, muttering ‘Damn Hitler has to ruin everything’ in angry tones under his breath.

“I say we join the circus, and grow turnips in our caravan!” said Jaryd brightly. He had happened to find the bleach under Adrian’s kitchen sink and was inhaling it quite happily.

“No silly, that’s NOT good for you. Do you want to get more brain damage than you already have?” said Laura, rushing to pry the bleach out of Jaryd’s hands. Flump and Dee shook their heads watching the two fight over bleach, and started discussing plans, X-men style. [Note, this dosen’t mean they morphed into X-men or anything, it just seems so much cooler when they’re discussing plans in X-men than real life] Dee spoke up.

“I read once, that the only way to kill Hitler, once and for all is to remove his squeedly spooch.”

“Where did you read that?” asked Flump.

“New York Times” said Dee nodding proudly.

“THEN THAT IS WHAT WE WILL DO” said Flump brandishing his light saber and throwing Dee one too. The both switches their gazes to the kitchen, were their two other comrades were. Jaryd and Laura were sprawled on the floor laughing about turnips. Since Jaryd was a bleach dealer, he’d gotten Laura to switch from crack, to bleach ‘It’s so much cheaper!’

 

“Come on FOOLS” said Mr T [the guest star!] And they got up, still giddy with laughter, and received a light saber each from Flump. Laura then tapped three times on the nose of the painting of Mona Lisa behind her, and a trap door beneath them.

 

****

 

The darkness spiraled beneath them as they descended… 20m, the cold air rubbed them up and down… 15m The smell of petrol and furniture cleaner filled the air, and their lungs 10m, The feel of being emo and living in a black abyss, 5m and then, they landed perfectly in black furnished leather seats.

“Holy FECK, It’s a bat mobile!” said Laura, still giddy. Even though she was high on bleach, she was right. They had landed in the bat mobile. It was complete with a pine shaped air freshener.

“Wee, that was fun! Let’s do it again!” said Jaryd bouncing up and down like a toddler on crack. Dee found a water sprayer and let a burst of cold water hit the two square in the face. That seemed to sober them up.

“Right, Mission, Hitler. I’m on it” said Laura, her face set into full seriousness.

“Right, Second Holocaust by Lain, Confiscation of Squeedly Spooch… I’m on i… Wait, why does HITLER have a squeedly spooch? I thought only Zim had one!” continued Jaryd.

“Ahh, that would be because Hitler is pure evil and wants to destroy the human race. Anyone who wants to destroy the human race has a squeedly spooch.” Said Dee knowledgably.

“New York times?” asked Flump tilting his beret.

“No, It’s just my godly powers pizza’s given me” replied Dee.

“Okay Kidlets, seat belts on!” said Jaryd pressing the red button that said  ‘Seatbelts and NOT certain doom’

They all put on their three D glasses, forgetting that this was the real bat mobile, and not the ride and Movie World, and sped off into the night sky.

 

To be continued…

 

Thank You and Goodnight™

Laura (Who has to go do some type of work now)