WARNING: This blog contains many elements of procrastination and going off topic. It may effect your sanity.

I would like to start by stating how much I hate Microsoft Word.  It is truly, and idiot. Did you know it uses 41 592 K of my virtual memory, everytime I open it? Well, now you do.

I really do dislike the stupid paper clip Icon at the top right of the screen. Why must it pester me? No, I do not want to type a letter. This little paper clip has a serious problem with wanting to type letters. Last time I checked, paper clips could not speak and make really really annoying sounds when I am trying to listen to Pink Floyd.

I’d love to see some little sadistic paperclip at the top right corner of my screen.

‘You look like you are typing a letter, would you like some help?’

-clicks no-

‘Too bad you dim-witted douche bag you’re going to get help anyway’ –the paper clip proceeds to erase my whole chemistry assignment and it’s backup while I watch it, smirking, as I have it ON FLOPPY DISKETTE-

-clicks quit paperclip.exe-

‘You thought you were going to get rid of me that easily? By QUITTING ME. I think not. Here you go, I just deleted your MSN’

-Laura shrugs, as MSN is just a program chock a block full of flaws, and annoying people. She then proceeds to wipe out paperclip.exe-

‘Haha, trying to erase me off your hard drive, hey? Well take this!’ –paper clip replaces all of my files with itself-

-Laura starts to get really, really annoyed at the stupid paper clip-

‘Now it’s torture time bitch.’ –paper clip opens Microsoft word again, which takes years to load on Laura’s computer, probably because it has a glitch. A million years later, when the program has been opened, the paper clip comes back up-

‘That’s it. Now YOU ARE GOING TO WRITE A LETTER… Gzoh… GZOOOHHHH’ (Gzoh is what a paperclip’s evil laugh would sound like, if paperclips COULD laugh evilly)

-Laura looks in awe as the paperclip takes over her brain, and forces her to type; Dear John… She screams in terror as she is writing A LETTER-

‘That’s right, that’s the way. A LETTER’ (This is one perverted paperclip. He’s getting WAY too much pleasure out of this) ‘Now that you have FINISHED THIS LETTER, I shall dispose of you’ –He shrinks Laura into the computer and puts her into the recycle bin, then wipes the hard drive, so there is only a black command screen. He then wipes out the command function so there isn’t even that. Just a black screen.-

The paperclip continued to do this, to people all over the world, even Dee, who I had to mention. In addition, Matt, who screamed in terror at the subject of the paperclip taking over the world. He also hacked into NASA and killed all the people in the space ships, and space station. However, he was a lonely paperclip in the end, with nothing or no one too annoy. His reign of terror was over. He decided to possess himself with emo.exe and took his own life.

I just went WAY off topic.

Anyway, I also would like to declare my dislike for the word ‘crush’

So you like someone, good for you. But where the HELL did this word originate from? I have no idea, since it has absolutely nothing to do with lusting after someone.

Is it… I am going to CRUSH you with my love? I will CRUSH you with my affection and shower of kisses.

I shall CRUSH you with my enormous weight.  It’s very scary if you ask me. I hope no one has a CRUSH on me. Otherwise I’d be dead.

Another thing. What is with ‘Omg Pink is the new black’ (who ever said that is disturbed. I must say, if you think that, call your nearest psychologist immediately)

Or, ‘Love is the new Black’

Black is the new Black, you douches.

The only other acceptable predicament is ‘crack is the new black’ only because it is mockery of your beliefs. Your favorite band sucks.

I’d also like to state the Olympic and Commonwealth games are a waste of money, and are utterly pointless. Do you know how many millions of dollars the pour into this worthless squalor year after year? While people in their own country are DYING and STARVING, no the government says ‘Hey, lets build a multi million dollar stadium we’ll use once for two years! It will be so fine –and then he takes of his shirt and starts dancing to ‘I’m too sexy for my shirt’-’ I would understand, if they held it in the same place every year, a reasonably wealthy country with adequate recourses, but instead they insist of going and building a new Stadium in Italy. Now really.

SPECIAL OFFER – ONE IN A LIFE TIME CHANGE. I NEED HELP. LET’S TALK ABOUT RELIGION.

No, no ones decided that I am in need of a good loony bin yet. In addition, I’m not trying to convert you to Buddhism, or sell you a cordless couch. I need a blog topic. That’s right. You lot get too choose what I write about! Let’s call this a competition so many people want to enter. That way they won’t see that this is a useless ploy because I am a brain-dead, attention seeking whore. Please prevent from suggesting things I’ve ALREADY written about. This can be a song, poem, entry, story, or whatever you’d like it too be. Just give me ideas for god’s sake. I might even write MORE than one. Hey, at least I didn’t refuse to write blogs until all of you called me –glowers at Jaryd-

Thank You and Goodnight™

Laura (Who is going to go and pimp herself on the street now)

Disclaimer: Any damage you face mentally and emotionally from this entry, or this site is not my responsibility. Really, if you don’t like it, don’t read it. It’s that simple.

It’s the Valentines Edition of my blog!

You thought I was serious. Ha, that is so funny… You’re gullible. I think I’d rather harpoon myself than make you all read about how uneventful and commercial my valentines day way! –fifty hallmark workers just  died of a heart attack-

Though too all my loyal readers who thought ‘Yep, Laura’s just shot fifty million gazillion poseurs today’ You would be more on the tack. I ‘heart’ you too.

When I think of the lyrics *“Everyone knows about it, from the queen of England to the hounds of hell,” I think of my school.

As culturally deprived we are, some people lack intelligence. I am of course, talking about gossip.

Is this the ONLY thing you guys do? I really don’t care whom likes who. It’s none of my business, leads to fight, smells like asphalt, and I don’t want to know.

I’ve already stated this so why are you still telling me?

* Seven nation Army, The White Stripes

I have also realized that a number of intelligent people act stupid at my school.

Now why someone would dumb themselves down INTENTIONALLY is beyond me. Why is it so ‘lame’ to be smart? Why must you call others ‘nerds and geeks’ because all that’s saying to me, is that you are jealous of those who don’t act stupid. It’s like having a conversation with a brick wall. Things that are so seemingly obvious that I doubt you can not compute. You people have more problems than I.

I would now like to state, in writing, I have never ever said, I am more superior, am smarter, am better, am more of a xH.a.R.D.x.X.x.C.o.R.e person than any of you. Now try and bring me down with your stupid “You think you’re so tough and better than everyone else” I don’t. Stop trying. Actually, just stop breathing.

PS: I’m a very angry soul. So what? You’re a very lonely soul who’s going to die alone.

Thank You and Goodnight™

Laura (PHD in Evil death stares)

Mc Donald’s – I’m loving it (an Ailing Vomit anagram)

(and it’s endorsed by Justin Timberlake, Aka: Fagg McFagg)

I’m loving deep fried shit! NOT. Now we are wondering why most of the population is obese?

Okay, I must say I have eaten McDonalds before. This probably makes me a hypocrite, but there’s a little bit of hypocrite in all of us isn’t there (many readers look at Laura is awe and say, “erm NO”)

Once in a while, when you need to drench your system with deep fried food yes. However, how can people eat this cardboard like ‘food’ everyday? It’s worse than tar, axle grease, windows 95 explorer edition, my school’s recourses, windows (that happen contain lead, arsenic and copper) Iron Oxide and 50cent.

I am not only picking on Mc Donald’s here. This is the same for every single fast food company. Nothing is fresh, everything taste like it’s been frozen, raped, frozen again and cooked in a cesspool. Why bother?

The only reason most people buy this crap is that it is much cheaper than anything that doesn’t taste like it’s been left for four days left in the garbage. Why is it that it’s so expensive to buy healthy food. Furthermore, what is this asphyxiation with hating vegetables? What has a vegetable done to you? Has it sky rocketed your cholesterol level, causing you to die of a clogged artery? No… But fast food on the other hand…

The toy that absolutely NO ONE will buy of the year award goes too:

The annoying thing.

Screw educational games, and mindless video games, someone has FINALLY invented a toy that makes annoying noises, and looks as bad as George Bush! Yes, they have made a crazy frog toy. Further more a crazy frog toy that sings that damn annoying song. Its teaching kids that they too, can say ‘A brem brem brem’, and annoy their parents until one day they snap and put them up for adoption. My only comment, who would PAY for this?

Moving on. Why the hell do I need fly-bys?

Every single time I go to Woolworth’s, or K-mart or any other one of those stores, I go to the cash register to pay for whatever I am buying, and I almost always get asked “Do you have fly-by’s”

I usually just look at the teller blankly and ask “Am I supposed to have fly-by’s?” I swear. I don’t look eighteen do I (well some idiots say I do, but they are deluded)? This question annoys me more than “How are you today”

Like you give a rats behind how I am. I could say “Both my parents have died in a horrific car accidents, destroying there organs, which I was supposed to use for a crucial transplant, therefore I am about to die in five days”

I wouldn’t be surprised if they said “That’s good”

I am also really getting sick of girls breaking up with their boyfriends and then telling me “Omgzlolbbqz BOYZ SUK” And then a week later, having a username that says something like “I love Kenny So much, you are my male pimp-whore”

Do I care? Do you really think you would have got dumped it you hadn’t had done something wrong. Please, you’re not going to tell me that it was all HIS fault, and you were 100 percent innocent. And why do random people always come up too me and say “Holy shit, Suzie just pashed Froggie, I hate her so much”

Okay, no offence but I know none of these people, therefore, this explanation isn't valid. Do you think that you wouldn’t have so many problems if you didn’t constantly whine about everything. I mean come on, I know I rant about things, but not at every single moment of the day. I do not bitch about EVERYTHING. Why do girls do this? It’s beyond me. Boys do not suck. Some do, I’ll give them that, but some of them don’t. I mean they aren’t superficial and infatuated on bitching about every living girl ever. So stop giggling, and fluttering your eyelashes, and maybe you’ll get what you deserve.

This week’s weekly broad cast of NEW NEWS bought to you by the one, the only Laura!

Thank You and Goodnight™

Laura (Have another drink and drive yourself home, I hope there's ice on all the roads. And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt, then again when your head goes through the windshield)

If you want to be a Politician, there is one simple rule you have to remember.

All politicians abide by this rule:

Never answer questions. Always answer a question with another question.

I was watching some breakfast news show before departing to school the other day, and I noticed how politicians can never give a straight answer. And I mean ever. I understand how SOME things they could not answer as in ‘Do you know if Iraq is in possession of nuclear weapons?’ but what about ‘Is there going to be a rise in petrol prices?’

“I think it depends on us, don’t you?”

Erm, what? That made sense it what way? In no way, you idiots.

Now that that’s covered, go run for Parliament. I guarantee you’ll get at least one vote. I mean how did John Howard get re-elected. He either has one big family… or…

…

To all those who don’t like me the way I am.

Do I have to apologize for being the way I am? Do I have to be like the majority of you? Self centered, Ego absorbed, and not giving a shit what happens in the world? Do I have to be an angsty emo bitch to have opinions? Because I’d rather be that, one of the lonely few than being one of the many who live in delusion everyday. Must I feel bad for being smart, for wanting to learn? For wanting to live just a little more than all of you. I don’t call what you do living. How can you all be so ignorant? Am I not allowed to find Math, Science and English interesting? Do I have to paint my nails, do my hair and get a tan? If you think I do, Don’t apologize,  I hope you choke and die.

You’ll hold a grudge against someone for the longest time, only to commit the same mistake yourself. You get offended when I don’t trust you. Hey, I never said I wanted your trust.

If you can’t accept me the way I am, then f*** you. I don’t need you anyway. You’re just a waste of time.

…

On another note, why aren’t I allowed to care what George W. Bush does? I am informed that I have no citizenship in America whatsoever, and therefore have no right to vote, but I must inform those who tell me that, that George W. Bush’s actions effect Australia very much. Probably because John Howard worships Bush, and looks up at him with puppy dog eyes and huge eyebrows. For example, the ‘war on terrorism’

I’m sorry to say this, but Terrorism can happen anytime, anywhere by anyone. I highly doubt the government can prevent this. I also have a problem with the war in Iraq. Okay great, look for Ossama Bin Laden. But wasn’t he in Afghanistan? So why are you killing hundreds of innocent civilians in Iraq? Why are you  still fighting a war against an enemy that doesn’t exist? Why are you accusing these people of being terrorists, just because they have a different view on religion than you. Shakespeare wrote about tragedy, but it is a tragedy when innocents die, just because of what they believe in. This doesn’t only happen in Iraq though, in many places throughout the world people are killed or tortured for what they believe in. This is the shit that wars start over.

So I finally get to my point, I can have my own opinions. I’m not willing to change them because you don’t like what I’m saying. I will not be silenced.

Thank You and Goodnight™

Laura (Who thinks we should send Politicians too fight the war, instead of the poor –props to System of a Down-)

So today was not the best day.

The highlight was probably learning about Ionic Fusion in Chemistry.

Do you find it sad that I like science?  Well, I do not give a shit.

No wait! Our group did attempt to contruct a human pyramid today. Now that, was f****** awesome. Oh, and I also got a lift home!

And for the sake of Dee and Alainna (who shall rule this realm with spleen juice and naughty games and human pyramids) I shall write about some certain two-bid morons.

I find it pathetic that ¤‘popular’ people have to resort to putting GUM in a certain someone’s hair –points to self- Stupid having to cut out a chunk of hair.

Oh yes, screw stupid insults, now It’s GUM VIOLENCE.

I hate you all.

And why do people constantly have to yell out G-unit in SOSE class. I swear to god, they put all the people I hate in that class just to annoy me.

¤ When I say ‘popular’ I mean people who don’t have brain cells, try to fit in and think they are cool.

There is a new word, that officially resigns pwning people forever.

This word is… PUFF.

I mean that the hell?

(To all of you who HAVEN’T seen those Domino’s commercials, be warned… We are in for a rough ride)

Not only is the word, stupid, pointless and so pathetically un-creative, companies are controlling our lives, telling us how to speak!

-Oh that’s so PUFF- (shut the fuck up moron)

As from now, if I hear ANYONE say that I WILL yell at them.

I have also realized a girl at my school has ‘LOL’ written on her bag. WHAT, THE F***! HOW IS THAT RELEVANT TO ANYTHING? Being random is good, but being idiotic is NOT. Christio!

I just received yet another pointless forward, that I am going to INSULT. Remember those days you got chain letters in the mail? And you had to spend MONEY to forward them on. We should start that again. Maybe less idiots would pass things around. But now there is text message chain mail. Sad isn’t it?

Once again, text of mail is in grey and my text is in BLUE.

Thank You and Goodnight™

Laura (who might actually get an idea for a good blog one day)